Well, since everyone has been so welcoming, may I ask a few questions here to see if I'm forgetting/not considering something?
My situation is thus:
I was doing some online dating and was matched with this guy. We clicked immediately online and e-mailed back and forth for some time before meeting. Our "discussions" ranged widely and it really seemed like a very good match. We graduated to an actual phone call having decided that we needed to meet in person. Before we met in person he told me on the phone that he was poly because our conversations had pushed us pretty far and we were both thinking that when we met in person we were going to click just that much more. He asked me if I knew what that meant and my response was "not really". I think he did a very good job of explaining and I decided that I wanted to meet him anyway. I mean, we hadn't even met yet and my feeling was that even if we were both Mono (I know these terms now
) exclusivity wouldn't likely be on the table anyway. So we met. Oh, yeah...we clicked. Oh...yeah. So things progress much like you would expect and not long ago he very carefully told me that he'd met someone else who he was interested in and would like to spend some time with. He assured me that it had nothing to do with how he felt about me and our relationship but that I needed to know. I had thought about that moment from the first time he told me he was poly. How would I respond? Would I be okay with it? Jealous? Selfish? What? I figured until "that moment" I wouldn't really know and I came down on the side of "okay...let's see what happens". Since then I've had lots of time to think about it and I felt that I needed to give it a lot of serious thought because I didn't want to say "okay" without really thinking it through only to have my devious little brain decide later that it wasn't. That's not fair to him, or me.
So I eventually landed here: he's a truly great guy. Our relationship is one of the happiest and healthiest things I've ever had. My schedule alone is atrocious and precludes us from being together as often as either of us would like. Why would I want someone I truly care for to be lonely when I can't be with him? That seems a little selfish, yes? I figure if I can't be with him then I'd much rather him be with someone (be it another romantic interest or friends) than sitting at home resenting the fact that I can't be with him which likely would end this anyway at some point. Besides, the more happiness and support he has in his life the happier he'll be and I'll just benefit from that, right?
My only concerns were that this new relationship would seriously impact the one that we have already established (and since it's already not enough by default that would be a big, big deal) and two that I ended up being neglected for something "shiny and new". I've been taken for granted frequently in past relationships because I'm just kind of a solid "keeper" and pretty low maintenance.
Some ground rules also seemed in order (and please let me know if I've left something off here). The first and foremost request on my part is that he keep me safe from diseases out there that I don't want. That seemed reasonable. Second, I really don't want details but I do want to know if/when there's someone else. I find that I'm very okay with an amorphous other person but I think for now putting a name and face to her would be a little hard until I'm a little more secure.
Honesty has never been a problem here. He's been very up-front and honest about all of this, even when it might not be in his best interest (like telling me about finding another person BEFORE the evening's events...gotta love that...
So, I guess this will go where it will go and it, like any other relationship on the planet, will depend on how it is handled by him and by me. As long as he can juggle and make sure that I/we're not neglected then it will most likely end up okay. If not, we'll see where it goes. So far I've been given absolutely no reason to suspect that he doesn't care every bit as stongly for me now as he did before he found this other gal.
So my new friends, confidantes and advisors. What am I not thinking about? What am I missing? Any ground rules I've not thought of that will come back to haunt me?
Thank you in advance.