I talked more with him today about how he is feeling and it seems like he is in a lot of pain and is overwhelmed with confusion about logistics and how this could all be "OK". His concerns seem to be:
-what happens if the kids find out what is going on
-how can we possibly have a "normal" relationship when it is all so secret
-he doesn't understand how CLP can be OK with any of it
-he can't figure out how he ended up in this complicated situation and just wants it to be "easier"
-he can't even tell his good friend about what is going on because he feels that he will judge him
-he doesn't want anyone to get hurt in the end
Just a note: He has been marrried before and has two wonderful boys 16 and 14 yrs old. He does not want more kids. Our kids all get along very well as they have known each other for years.
After the conversation today I just feel for him. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to see him struggle with this if he can't handle it. I feel like what we have is special and I want it to work out but not if it tears him apart. I told him that I wasn't angry or critical and it appears that he wants some time to think about it.