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Old 06-07-2011, 05:34 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,681

I have been thinking a lot about being a dominant woman lately and have done some research on what others think that is.. I don't fit the criteria. It's given me a bit of an identity crisis of sorts.

In my relationships I find that I am looked toward to take the lead. I am no leader in terms of being the boss and assuming that I have the right to determine what my loves and others do. I tried that with my ex-wife and she and I became so co-dependent that it ended. I was running two lives be the end. This seems to be what some think of when they think of dominance however.

Leadership is not co-dependence. I must exist outside of being a leader to be a leader... To me leadership is about being fearless in walking my own path; knowing that others are behind me and using my fearlessness to treed a similar path. That isn't dominance to me.

Dominance to me comes from a place of being more comfortable care-taking, mothering, counseling, giving instruction, as much as disciplining lovingly, giving orders and not tolerating the instruction of others. It doesn't make me bitchy, uncaring, inconsiderate and bossy... although I have my moments but that is just whining when I am not getting my way.

I am all for being asked, or having suggestions, but it has to come from a personal place from that person in order for me to see the difference. Simply being told that I have to do this or I should do this, because someone is doing something else, is not going to work for me. My manager has figured this out where I am concerned... when she conjures up my empathy with "RP, I am really running short on time, please do this for me?" I do it immediately, when she has said in the past, "RP, do this please." I turn beat red and resist. She is a dominant woman also in an outward respect... I think her own empathy with me has helped....

So it gets complicated when I don't let go and submit. I submit to myself and nature really. The two really should come together at some point so that I can let go... how does one deal with abandonment issues and can't be alone, when they know they will submit if they are alone. Man I'm fucked up.

Sorry, this is so not poly related at this point. But as I said in previous posts.... I'm just living my life right now. To hell with poly and its theory and philosophy... This is what it is to live it. Funny, its not much different than any other relationship dynamic.

back to staring out the window.
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