Yeah, I didnt mean to imply we can let our lovers run roughshod all over us, just because we own our feelings. Of course, we should be sensitive and caring to our loved ones.
We can say, "When you do X, I feel Y." You can then also express a wish for something different.
Let me think of poly examples from my own life, and others' experiences.
"When you take her out to a bookstore and read her romantic poems, I feel jealous. We don't do things like that in our relationship enough anymore. I wish we did."
"When you have sex with your lover and don't seem to desire me when we are together, I feel pushed aside. I wish our sex life was more frequent."
"When you and your lover had sex in the next room, I felt like I was going crazy. I need to know you still value me and find me attractive."
"When you went out for an evening date with your bf, and didnt come home til the next day, and didnt let me know you'd be out overnight, I was worried sick. We need to discuss this boundary."
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (42, M) since Oct 2015 (he has recently downgraded us to friends)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years