Originally Posted by Tinyblu
I already know that I can't deal with watching him have sex with his OSO in my presence. I am aware of it, but I don't need to see it (does that go against true polyamorism?)
I consider myself somewhat kinky, but my husband isn't. The one "kink" he has enjoyed in his life happens to be group sex. I have no interest (at least not in the 8 years since trying any poly relationship in the first place) in group sex, except for fantasies.
I don't have any interest in watching him or anybody have sex, whether he loves them or not. No interest in having sex in front of others. I don't consider that stuff to have anything do with poly. I consider sex mostly a private thing. I also don't consider it non-poly of me to be consumed with jealousy now and again at the thought of him being intimate with somebody else, as long as I feel compersion other times.
I really think it's great you do have a clear idea what you want to ask him. I hope he's either realized or will quickly realized that everybody involved has needs they want met. I personally might start an email correspondence with his girlfriend (though maybe you wouldn't think it's needed yet) and let HER know that she is nice and all but you aren't interested in that now, and that you'd love to spend time with her sometimes but that if possible you'd like alone time.
If she is as uncomfortable as you think she was, she'd probably be grateful to know you're both on the same page, and maybe that will help everybody lay out their boundaries to the bf. I think his communication skills might need a lot of work, so in this case if I was in your shoes, I would want to be making sure I communicated directly with the gf to get information first hand until I felt he was accurately aware of both of our wants and needs, so no situations like that occurred again. Normally I wouldn't do that, but I figured if I've been in bed naked with somebody, it's ok for me to email them