my nebulous fog
good morning all,
I seem to be on a similar level plane with most of the recent newcomers. I'm a young gay male. In spite of social opinions and politics, I never questioned the relationship ideal i was imbued with by my grandparents. I grew up with the image of finding one special someone and spending the rest of my life with that person. A little over a year ago, I met the man whom I fell in love with. I had already had my fair share of relationships, ranging from the mundane to the horrific. This was somehow different. I had no control over my feelings for him, and I rapidly and inexplicably gave my heart away. I guess in hind sight, I had loved in a platonic sense, but never really passionately loved anyone before. The relationship between he and I has been slow in growing, but steady. We've had out ups and down, ect.
Multi-person, and open relationships are not uncommon in the gay community. Statistically, however, gay males generally are emotionally faithful to one partner, and open the relationship up sexually. A couple of weeks ago, he broached the topic of trying a poly relationship. I had to take a few days to respond. to wrap my head around the idea. there has been days of discussion, and hours of research on my part, in an attempt to understand his perspective. I told him how uncomfortable i am with it, but for him (and him alone) i would be willing to try. Part of me enjoys that he was honest and open enough to tell me, and share this inner part of himself. Another part still is terrified that i'm going to lose the only person I've ever been able to open my heart to. Grappling and overcoming the concept, that the ideal future I was brought up to expect/plan for may no longer be possible, is daunting. I'm hoping that by joining this community, and reading past and present posts, i can stabilize my, often vacillating thought.