This may sound odd....
...coming from me, but be gentle with yourself. You're awesome just for taking the time to truly look at this honestly. I for one know just how difficult it can be. I have a no running, no avoiding policy in place with the universe that works for me. It is painful at times but also wonderful and amazing to experience.
My one suggestion is to keep writing and posting here, So many have made it through this and it is they who continue to offer up hope.
It may not seem like it but I think you're doing great.
Be well my friend.