I just wanted to tell you that your not alone in your situation. My GF is "bi" and I am gay. We have always been very open with each other since the start of our relationship. It started out the same she just wanted to have sex with guys and to be honest that is something that never bothered me, but as time went on we ended up getting a friend involved who never had the "title" Boyfriend but moved in with us. Of course no matter what we called him being around all the time and living with us he instantly assumed that role, and being younger than us, it became a constant game of trying to balance feelings and emotions. He really didnt have any life outside of his work and so it was like he was always around I couldnt get a moment without him there, and even when we would try and go out on our own he would constantly text or call. It was beyond annoying, but it only seemed to annoy me.
We had rules and they were broken and seemed to go out the window. I think mainly because my GF didnt want to hurt his feelings and I am a softy, wanting to make her happy I would ultimately allow things that I didnt really want to. I have to be blamed for that, if I allow it I can't be mad about it later, thats not fair. Rules made things harder than they had to be.
There were moments when I was jealous and moments when I was mad. I felt like you unneeded, sometimes unwated, or even like I was pushed out and getting between something. I like you only wanted my GF to be happy even if that meant she would be happy without me. I had my freak out moments. At one point I did actually leave, it was for a whole 3 hours, but still....
I felt with him in the house I was loosing my safe place, I was loosing my privacy, and that I had to share every moment with him too. I had to wait my turn, or ask for time, or schedule sex alone without him if I wanted something more intimate...It was a bitch : )
What I wanted in this new person, and what I thought I was getting in this new person, is not what it turned out to be. He was both of our friends to start, actually we met him together on the same night and he took my number would call me to hangout, and was a good friend, until all this started happening.
I thought she was getting what she wanted sexually, and that I was going to be sharing something amazing with a great friend. When he started to fall in love with my GF, he did whatever he could to make me go away, because from the start he knew her commitment was to me, and we explained to him that we didnt expect that he would ever be more than a friend.
He would do things that pissed me off, but from an outsider looking in it seemed like he was being so nice. He knew what he was doing.......he would point out anything that I did that wasn't perfect....I would never do this to him, mainly because I knew that I would come across as jelous, or because I was trying to be the bigger person....all the while I was waiting for my GF to notice what and ass he was, and it took a really long time for that to happen. Which made me mad with her I felt like "why can't she see, this guy is a dick" (I would question her taste in people, and would often feel like how can she like someone like me and a asswhole like him) just being honest.
It got to a point where he actually admitted that he lied and said and did things to make her mad at me and to make me unhappy with her. I don't blame all this on him "all is fair in love and war" I guess, when people are in love they do stupid things or crazy things, and sometimes try and hurt someone to get what they want. We put ourselves in that situation, and had to deal with what the outcome was.
It was a learning experience....what I got from it was this....I dont know if this will help you at all......
Everyone in the relationship has to have the same ideas and expectations. The idea can't be to prove one person is better than the other, or that one person is going to be able to do or say something that will make the (in my case GF) choose one over the other.
Make sure you get the time you need!.....He would constantly need attention and I felt so much resentment twards him, because I worked and took care of the kids, and they both worked together so he saw her the whole day, and than would come home and want to be all over her. I felt like I couldnt even tell her about my day....
COMMUNICATION This is a threeway relationship so my friendship with the guy has to be strong and we have to be able to communicate with each other without putting my GF in the middle of our issues with one another. I have to be able to tell him how I feel as easily as I can tell her
There really can't be "rules" they will be broken, and someone will get hurt.
You MUST have a life outside the relationship. The difference it makes is amazing. Even if its posting on this fourm, or collecting stamps LOL. I had nothing else to do. When I was getting stressed I couldnt think of places to go or things to do that got my mind off it or got me out of the house. Plus there was no way to vent any emotions.
Have friends to talk to....When we first did this it was a secret, we didnt know how to tell people, or who we could tell. Of course we were afraid of how people would view us. My fears were that it was so easy for this guy or my GF to tell people. From an outsider they are getting the better end of the bargin. My GF was getting to have a Guy and a Girl, all this guys friends thought he was awsome cause he would always leave out that he didn't sleep with me, so his friends thought he was sleeping with two women all the time. For me people or my fear was people would think that. I needed a guy around to help sexually satisfy my GF, or that I wasnt really gay. It was hard only having my GF to talk to about my feelings.
Don't give in to things you really don't want to make your GF happy. It will make you feel happy at first, but than you will regret it. You will loose yourself in the relationship, you will give up too much of what you are comfortable with and you will therefore be unhappy. Compromise is ok at times, but not all the time for every little thing..... stand your ground.
Nothing is always perfect...You will always have your moments of anger, jelousy, hurt, feeling unwanted or unneeded, that happens in almost any relationship at one time or another. Don't let it get the better of you.
Agree on who the other person is going to be if you are the one that she is with before they come along...Whoever your GF/BF is with, thats who your going to be with. Maybe not in a sexual way, but you have to be able to spend a lot of time with this person when your GF/BF is not around. You don't want that time to be misrable
Both my GF and I learned so much from that experince. I think looking back, if we could have done it all over again with the same guy we would have been smarter about it, and done a lot of things differently.
We are with someone new now and things are a million times better, we all have so much in common, and fun together and I wouldnt change it for anything. This is not to say that you can't make what you already have work. A lot of relationships dont work out period so I think thats why things didnt work out with the first guy ultimately. He just wasnt the right person long term ,and didnt want what we wanted.
It sounds like you have something very special with the person you are with, and it sounds like much of what your feeling is normal for this kind of relationship. Your right not everyone can have these kinds of relationships. I know people that have tried it and never did it again. You just have to be honest about what you really want. The first time I think I wanted to do this, but only because it was going make my GF happy. It took a lot of exploring myself to realize that I wanted the same thing. It was only after the first guy was gone that I could really sit back and think about all of the things I did enjoy about having two people in my life. There were so many things I just didnt see them because he was the wrong pick. Most importantly I learned that I have to have strong feelings even if they are only friendship ones for the guy, cause whoever she is with I am with. We have to agree that they are the right fit for "us" not just "her".
Our things is this and it works well for us. I am his GF and much as she is his Gf and he is my BF as much as he is her BF. If we are out I treat him like I would treat a person I am on a date with, and he treats me the same, and we treat her the same. Meaning I buy him drinks he buys me drinks, we play pool together, or whatever it is that we do. The only difference is the sex...
I hope some of this helps, I just want you to know that your not the only one who has been in the situation. Its good to talk to people, sometimes these things can make you feel like your going crazy. Usually your not : )
Sorry I didnt mean to write so much : )
Best of luck to you!