Originally Posted by Tinyblu
This was such good advice! He has backed off and let me have my time to think. In the meantime, I am sure he has spoken with his OSO about the situation.
I have realized that:
1) If I am going to travel to see him, I will NEED one on one time with him. If he wants to have a dinner or something with all three of us from time to time, that's fine, but I don't see why we have to be bosom buddies
2) I am not opposed to exploring my curiosity about women with someone he is not emotionally attached to. I already know that I can't deal with watching him have sex with his OSO in my presence. I am aware of it, but I don't need to see it (does that go against true polyamorism?)
3) He should not have forced his fantasy on either of us so quickly. I am not saying that I may not grow to like or respect (maybe love) her at some point, but I need to do things on my own time...
Now my only concern is trying to get the images and sounds of them making love right next to me out of my brain. I think it's going to effect my sexual encounters with him in the future. The memories don't drive me to tears anymore, but they still sting...
That's good that you're getting some time. You seem to have figured out some of your needs in a very straightforward way!
Not being able to watch and hear and see them having sex does not mean you not poly. And there isn't a true polyamorism. There is what works for the people involved in each individual relationship.
I have a hard time watching my baby with someone else, unless it's someone we are both involved in and there's mutual affection and respect. Which has only happened once.
I've been in the same position with someone where there wasn't that mutual thing, and it sucked ass and I felt horrible because I could sense that there was no attraction between us, and it wasn't handled honestly. It really depends on the situation, the timing, the people and your experience in general.
I think you have got a good plan, and really the only way to see if it passes, is .. well, to wait and see if it passes!
It's only been a few days, though. Perhaps after speaking with him about this and some time passing and another experience just with him, you can relegate this to bad judgment and learn and grow from it. If not, that's okay too.
and P.S... standing up for yourself, your wants, your needs and your limits by no means makes you not openminded. It makes you a strong, independent human being. It's a good thing.