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Old 06-06-2011, 04:06 PM
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ray ray is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: USA
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Wow, what a weekend! It felt so good to get a full nights sleep last night! I think I finally feel human again. I had a munch/bonfire/party on Friday night. On Saturday the Nurse, I and two of our friends went on a little outing downtown. Later that evening there was yet another bonfire/party. Then, bright and early Sunday morning, we all got up to march in the Pride Parade.

It was a gorgeous day and there were a ton of entries in the parade. I'd never been in one/watched it or anything before. It felt really good to just be out there. There's been so much lying and hiding in the last year and I loved being open. I also love that I have the freedom to do that in my life without losing my job and what not. In addition, my family lives really far away, so I don't worry too much about it filtering back to them. I saw a few people I knew but no one that couldn't know about me being kinky/otherwise alternative. Me and three other girls were handcuffed together and we had fun dragging each other around/clotheslining people and otherwise trapping them. The crowd seemed to enjoy watching our antics. Afterwards we all hung out. Lots of napping, eating and drinking. I think I was pretty beat for most of the weekend due to lack of sleep.

I realized that I really missed doing art. I feel like I need to get back into things. I have a few projects in mind. And I have a good deal of free time on my hands given that it's summer. I finally found a decent job as well. I'll be working on campus at my university teaching people how to use computers. I also get free textbooks! How awesome is that... I've been trying to find a stable job for awhile so I was so happy to finally get an offer. The people I'll be working with seem pretty chill, as well.

I also became an aunt again this weekend! I have a brand new nephew, born very healthy.

On Thursday night, I had a huge fit on insecurity and freaked out about stuff with the Nurse. I spent the evening confused and hysterical. I felt like maybe I was silly to like him as more than a play partner and that he couldn't possibly be interested in me given how wrapped up he seems to be with things with his ex. I had this horrible feeling like maybe I was setting myself up for another broken heart. He had written a blog entry about some stuff and even though it didn't say anything bad...my brain went ahead and interpreted it in the worst possible light. So then I was pretty upset and feeling like I wanted to distance myself from him. When I saw him on Friday, he asked me what was wrong and I'm not sure I explained it very well but we decided that we should sit down and just make sure we're both on the same page. Unfortunately, we didn't get a chance to talk this weekend and I must admit I feel a bit frustrated about that. Mainly because I'm impatient and anxious and I don't want to have to be on edge about all of this for a long time. We're probably on the same page, I'm probably just making a big deal out of this because I feel insecure. Sometimes I feel like such a crackpot. I just want to protect myself from getting into something that isn't healthy. I don't know if I could handle getting my heart crushed right now.
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