Thread: on trying again
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Old 06-06-2011, 12:53 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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More than a few people I know have successfully rekindled past relationships. I think it can work, as long as you both remember that it's a new relationship. It is not picking up where you left off before. You are both different people who have grown and changed, no matter what amount of time has elapsed since you were last together. So, as long as you approach it that way, it is possible to have something great. It might be good to get together and talk about current expectations and fears, as well as all the changes, new passions and interests, and new things that have been going on in your lives before embarking on a relationship again.

The key is to be present in each moment and let go of those old ideas and assumptions you have about each other. It's fine to reminisce about the good times, and you may naturally experience some caution if something comes up that reminds you of old former unpleasantness, but if you can kind of wash out those old eyeballs and see the relationship with brand shiny new ones, it can work.

The hardest thing might be to not fall into old familiar patterns of relating. We take our patterns wherever we go, naturally, but awareness is key in seeing how those grooves we always find ourselves in become intertwined with the other person's patterns and if that was a major reason why the old relationship ended, then it's important to watch out for that and make sure that you are responding to what's in front of you know and not a habitual behavior.

Actually, that's something to watch out for in any relationship, not just a do-over. Good luck!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-06-2011 at 12:58 PM.
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