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Old 06-06-2011, 12:14 PM
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Gecko Gecko is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 29

First up, I liked your post.
It reminds me of some of my own thoughts on love, especially ones i was having before i knew "poly" was something going on in other peoples lives and not just in my head!

Originally Posted by rory View Post
I'm having some difficulties with wrapping my head around the concept of letting oneself freely love other people. On one hand, on theoretical level it sounds sort of fabulous. And it feels like it might be "the most natural way" for me.
Me too! Thats how I love. and often i can see in people that deep down they feel that too, but our social norms/rules are so embedded that it is often never even mentioned let alone allowed to bloom into its full expression.
Monogamy will even have people rejecting ones they love just because they see that the person will not suit a broad enough range of situations to be exclusive with.
it saddens me; love heals, but all the rituals, rules and circumstances around it mean it often mean we often go without it where it may be needed, and the isolation causes much pain.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
But on the other, on practical level I find the idea somewhat scary. I mean, it differs so much from what I'm used to.
To have the trust in your own heart that you are ok, that you can let down the barriers that protect you from rejection; is a beautiful thing. But you will still dealing mostly with people who have brickwalls surrounding there hearts. I'm not Christian, but I think Jesus' life is a great example of someone being true to themselves, not matter what the cost.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
As I write that it sort of doesn't sound healthy to me. I guess a lot of people do it somewhat like that in monogamous relationships. You're expected to come to a conclusion that there could not be a person out there who was as (or more) compatible to you as your current partner is; if something contradicts that it may mean you've made the wrong choice, and you can deal with that only by breaking up or by settling because you're committed.
I love my wife so much, but when i try to explain my views on love, it violates this norm that she is supposed to be my everything...if not she must not be good enough for me somehow.
The way I'm forced to settle or go, is by making me choose whether to be free to love and live fully, or ignore a significant part of myself in order not to lose my wife.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
How is it then I want to perceive love? Is it what I want to do, to let myself fall in love with somebody even if there is no future for us? Should I just accept my feelings for somebody as they are? Does it have to hurt (as we are taught) to have somebody you love not love you back?
Yes! Just accept your feelings as they are

Love is love. It doesn't plan for the future or consider long term viability.
I absolutely love losing myself in wonder of the natural world, of being able to "feel" the elements, the line blurring between duality and oneness. But i can't choose when those experience come (apart from seeking it within sex), nor can I prevent them from ending (again its a bit different with sex lol ).

I wonder how that is different to the love experienced between people? I don't have the answer, but we fear losing lovers like we fear death. We put up illusions in our minds that the world is static, permanent, that if we can just get to that next part we'll finally be ok. But realty is constant change, so when we get there its not only different than we planned it, but the next change is already coming.

I think we put walls up around hearts to protect our ego's plans and dreams, we fear letting the love of others in because deep down we know that reality is different than our ideals. We will be hurt when it doesn't turn out the way we "planned"

I'm sorry, that was a very long winded way to say; that yes your right, just accept your love as it is, in the present moment.
Maybe you'll have a great convo, maybe youll get married and have kids, maybe you'll have a night of the most spiritually connected mind blowing sex you've ever had and then crash your car on the way home?

Originally Posted by rory View Post
What if the feelings are mutual but the situation doesn't allow a (romantic) relationship, e.g. one of you has a monogamous relationship or a polyamorous relationship to multiple partners and has no time for another relationship? Can you still accept the feelings and yet be able to move on (i.e. not hurt)?
Thats reality. Not hurt? Would take a true saint! Doesn't mean its not worth it. The times I've regretted a loving experience is when its been deceptive to others and people get hurt.

Things end, thats natural. I think that adhering to the pillars of the poly philosophy of "honesty, communication and love" go along way to helping one follow red peppers advice to "live in a way that leaves a positive wake were ever you go"

Sorry for rambling!


Last edited by Gecko; 06-06-2011 at 03:06 PM. Reason: wasnt reading back the way i meant it to sound
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