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Old 06-05-2011, 07:07 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

You know... this could go two ways for me. I can see advocating for negotiating boundaries with her, but would you really get anywhere? She is young and immature in terms of what relationships are about... how could she possibly know what it means to have a deep meaningful relationship of any kind of depth. Ya, she likely think she does, but she just doesn't have the years in to convince me. You all need to sit down and be grown ups and talk about what is and isn't working and where the line of respecting each other is... of this I would insist I think.... or I would be done with him. I just find that if there is no communication and petty bad mouthing going on in a relationship dynamic then there is no point being in it. That is a result of age and maturity I think... been there done that, never want to go there again, such a waste of time and very, well, "highschool" to me. Ya, doing that with her peers is great, acceptable, and where she should be, but with an over 30 couple? Bah, waste of time

I think if this were me I would just let him go.... Go do whatever that is. I think I would consider him away on holiday and not even around and get about doing my own things. I find it works much better to occupy my time with my own life than it does to try and control anothers. It seems that these things run their course and the partner either ends up figuring out that it isn't working and leaves the other person or misses me in their life enough to insist that boundaries be worked on and respected... perspectives change when I make myself scarce in the NRE phase.

I'm not saying be cold and uncaring... just kind of vaccant and keep saying, "go ahead sweety, I have got other things to do with so and so... no I'm okay *smile sweetly* I can see you are having fun.... you go and enjoy yourself." That kind of thing...

As to the texting? If trying to create boundaries around when is okay fails... I have been known to just pick up and leave to go grocery shop... I even walked out and left my partner once as he was too busy texting to get ready... "meh, he can find his own way there" I figured. I did come back to get him, but I made a good point. His relationship NRE affects me and I will not sit around and allow that to happen. I will go on without him. It doesn't take long before the message is across that we all have to consider each other and by putting someone out, there will be consequences.

I know this sounds harsh, but sometimes enough is enough...
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