Sorry I've missed all of these posts. I haven't been on much as I was out of town for a couple of weeks and before that there wasn't a whole lot to discuss. We've been going to counseling and it's been up and down... things definitely have been looking up since I went out of town, however.
For the past few months I've been conversing with a guy S, that I used to date. We enjoyed each others company back then, but our relationship was mostly physical/sexual. I had told Drew that we were talking, and left it at that. Our conversations were pretty generic, though we did do some reminiscing, and he expressed an interest in wanting to see me again at some point. I told him about Poly, and the experience thus far and that I was very tentative at this point.
As Drew has been coming to terms with things (and I feel like I have been patient and supportive), I've mentioned S again and it seems to be going well so far. I'm extremely nervous as I don't want to hurt Drew anymore. Not that it was on purpose before, but now that I know what triggers him, I'm very worried about it.
He said he wants me to go see S. That he feels unless he experiences the feelings and sees that everything will be okay after, that he doesn't think he can learn to cope with those feelings. I'm both excited and concerned. I know it wont change things unless he dwells on his thoughts instead of looking at reality.
There is a few weeks before I'd have the opportunity to go anyway, so we will see what happens I guess.
In the interim, I'm hoping we will continue to talk as we have been, and watching him reflect on his own feelings and experiences has been awesome for me. I can see him growing emotionally and I really enjoy it. We talked about setting him up an OKC account, and seeing what we find. I think one of the largest issues we have is our differing views on sex... I was always very open sexually, and I was his second and only. I can have sex with attached emotions, or unattached for pure physical attraction and enjoyment. For him, it's always viewed as attached, and sharing me is a threat. Perhaps if he has experience with other people that he can learn how he responds to different connections. Just a theory at this point....
So that's where we are at.
In a good place. There are still negative emotions here and there, but they are less frequent and don't cause him to spiral into uncontrollable negativity. We are back being flirty and the sex is increasing again... yay!