You, your husband, and ths new guy - read up on the jealousy stuff. When Violet and I did - and we're not jealouse people like most! - it changed our respective outlooks DRAMATICALLY. Looking at jealousy from the new perspective of "jealousy isn't an issue, it;s a symptom - what's the issue?" before acting on it has changed me overnight. Gaining this perspective before entering into the complicated waters of poly relationships is invaluable.
When people who have thought in terms of traditional relationships (as defined for the ast few generations anyway) face soething like this, it's always confusing! Work it through, and decide where everyone stands. OPENLY AND 100% HONESTLY. It will take several of these "sessions" before things begin to take shape and the excitement sets in.
Your husband will never take 2nd place if your mind is right. For instance, Violet worried that Anne might become the love of my life at first - until I explained that even though equality is important in our situation, I will never be able to feel quite as much for Anne - much less more - as I do for her, because she (Violet) is the one who opened my eyes and allowed me to feel these things, allowed me to explore things with Anne, in a sense I see her as responsible to a small degree for all the joy and love that Anne and I share. That feelig and thought process carries a LOT of weight. People will say what they'll say about it, but I can recommend looking at everything about the relationship with this new man if it comes together) through the lens of how wonderful your husband is for understanding and not hindering - helping even! - this new development. The better things get with new guy, the sstronger your love for the person in your life who made it possible. Violet has now starte to experience this as she and Anne explore the very deep feelings developing between them, and she thanks me in gushes for bringing her into our lives - while all the while I'm saying no, it's you who let it grow and allowed me to feel it, thank YOU, and we BOTH feel this incredible gratitude and love for Anne for being open to the concept (COMPLETELY foreign to her) and willingness to follow her own feelings... While I thank Anne for opening up to her feelings about me and trusting in Violet and I to respect her position and heart, and Violet and Anne are thanking each other for being so understanding and respectful of each others feelings for ME... Around and around it goes, stronger with every orbit. It's a VERY powerful thing.