Ivy - thank you. I know its been a while - but I read this and really do appreciate the thoughts.
I'm currently trying to figure out where I fit on the poly spectrum.
I work best with the primary/secondary labels because at heart, I like to label things.
He is primary to me, I am primary to him, everyone is secondary to that. Not less than, not disposable... secondary.
I was having a conversation with a cute girl today and we were discussing my poly 'style'. I am a busy woman. I have a lot of things going on in my life - a full time job, husband, kids, and outside activities that take up a lot of my time.
So what would work best for me is a relationship with someone who is similar to me.
They have a life, activities, perhaps other partners and don't need me to be their ONE, their ALL, their EVERYTHING.
I know there's a lot of people in the poly community that feel primary/secondary is a bad thing - but for me, its really a matter of involvement. I'm not looking for (but wouldn't push away) a full time, live in 2nd primary. I'm just looking for someone who understands my life, but has a VERY important part in it.
Perhaps that as easy as finding the mythical unicorn...