I'm replying a bit late to this thread, but CaptainKidd I'd like to express my opinion.
First, I like the level of radical honesty about sex that has occurred between you and your wife. I prefer to be told those same things that she told you. Now, part of my sexuality is that I'm submissive in some ways, and I'm into Hot Wife
fantasies. Yes, I'm a bit jaded, but I'm not alone. There are many other guys that feel compersion (actually get off on
) their partner having great sex with a well endowed guy. One of the online places such guys can be found at is http://ourhotwives.org/forum/
I agree with the others that she should consider you a bit more. I also agree that not discussing "fluid bonding" before hand seems selfish on their part. Although, she may have known that you are not all that concerned about bare penetration. I know that it was a smaller issue for some of the married people that I had threesomes with in the past.
From my perspective, it seems like you have the perfect "hot wife" arrangement going. Guys with this fantasy would be buzzing with erotic thrills after being told that the OG was better in bed. It would be great if you could take on this perspective and develop this fetish, but I realize that such an attempt may not be realistic.
The popular poly saying that sex with someone else is "just different" doesn't satisfy me. I'd prefer that my partner dish out the radical stuff on me.