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Old 06-04-2011, 09:00 PM
muse4 muse4 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 6
Default It's better--here's an update

You've all been wonderful. Thank you for your responses--you really helped me sort through what I was upset about which boils down to trust, consent, and safety (health.) In fact, you were so helpful, he and I were able to have a very long talk Thursday evening that led to a deeper level of understanding, emotional risk-taking, and intimacy. It wasn't easy but we both came away feeling like we had been heard and a sense of mutual admiration. We're both uneasy about moving forward and understand there's more to talk about.

Turns out that his initial response to me was more of a defensive maneuver. Thursday evening he admitted that he's been having trouble with the fact that I've been seeing other people (I use safe sex practices, btw), he's been jealous and doesn't like to see himself that way. Instead of talking it out with me (because he didn't want to admit the jealousy to himself or me) he sought to "even the score" so to speak and releasing some anger by posting on the kink site. (It takes a hell of a lot to admit that and I love him for it.)

Because I talk about platonic male friends and penpals in addition to people I'm dating, he imagined I was seeing more people than I really am! I was happy to have the chance to clear that up for him. He did come across as judgmental about a few things however, and he seems to have some residual anger, so that is a concern.

A well-timed appointment with my therapist Freud also helped me figure out why I was so upset. It was a D/s scene that my boyfriend and I had over last weekend, we ventured into new territory for us... we didn't pay enough attention to "aftercare" and I felt more exposed, vulnerable, and less contained than I usually am.

I'm coming away from this with a great deal more self knowledge and a better understanding of what I need to do and ask for to feel safe in both the poly world and in D/s play. There are so many layers of deep psychological significance for both of us in what happened, all I can say is Wow! Isn't being human an amazingly messy and exciting trip?!!!

Not sure what will happen with us but I do know that I really admire him and don't regret anything.

-Muse
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