Thread: Lost..
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Old 06-04-2011, 06:15 PM
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just3 just3 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: OK
Posts: 71
Unhappy Lost..

Well. after 6 months of happiness with my hubby and my bf.. its over. My bf who has been great with everything the past couple weeks had started to pull away. I knew it. Tried talking to him. He assured nothing was wrong, he was just busy etc. Last weekend I guess he decided to help out a friend and let her move into his house. Didnt say anything to me just gave me lies of why I could not visit. Finally Wednesday he tells me. Which honestly I was fine with. Trusted his word. I have known him and my hubs since I was 14 years old(Im now 33 lol) Yesterday...He finally says not everyone is ok in the kind of relationship I want. I guess what I find in the end..I was his dirty little secret. As long as things were hidden it was great. But when we all went to a function a few weeks ago, my brother and lots of my friends were there..and it became not so hidden to him. Talk about a slap in the face. I guess I never even noticed it was all so secret. I never hid it. And all I could think of after this all happened(through text messages no less) was holy crap.. I was a freaking dirty little secret. someone to be ashamed of. and honestly..felt like all I was, was a piece of arse. Cried till my head hurt. Because I love him. Always have. When all 3 of us were together...I felt complete. Maybe its because when we were younger I was always with them. so its just something natural. I feel lost right now. I feel lonely. My hubs works a lot. and it was nice to have my bf to talk to during the long days. today I am going between being hurt to being mad. to feeling like my heart is breaking. I talked to hubs yesterday and told him if we ever found someone we could click with that could be his friend as well as my lover, I want to make sure I was never a secret again. Not jumping into the dating pool for a little while. And being here in Oklahoma we may never find someone again. TO many closed minded people. I just needed to vent and hear how people handle these kind of issues. Im angry because my kids are upset about not seeing his son anymore. And not having them come with us places. And I really couldnt even explain to them why! I know I handled my bf bad when he tried his I just wanna be friends text messages. But Im 33 and not some teen in high school. And told him no. I cant. Not at this point. And let him know how hurt I am that he was ashamed of our relationship when he knew from the very beginning and came into it all with all the facts. Im mad that he felt the need to hide. I mean I dont go advertising it. But I dont hide. this just sucks.
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