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Old 10-06-2009, 10:55 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by violet View Post
IMO, there is not a NEED for her husband to be in the relationship with the other girl. There isn't a NEED for him and the girlfriend to be making the wife uncomfortable. There is not a NEED for the other girl to be lying, or to be complicating things in such a manner. Did that make sense? I feel like a total bitch for saying that... lol
I'm not clear on how you're defining "need" in this context. People enter relationships with other people because those relationships meet certain needs. I would never presume to say that someone does or doesn't need the relationship they're in. I would certainly hope that my choice to be in a relationship with someone would be respected. If I had a partner who had another partner, it's not for me to say whether they need that or not.

As for what the motivations are on the part of this other girl, I really can't say because there just isn't enough information. But there is some reason why she feels the need to maintain both relationships and not be honest about it. Whether those reasons are objectively real or just perceived or something in between, I really don't know. But I'm not going to assume why she's doing what she's doing. So again, I can't say she doesn't have a need in this situation.

And DP is openly and reasonably looking for the best way to meet her needs in the situation.

I really can't call anyone "wrong" in this. Causing problems maybe....maybe even introducing a destructive dynamic...but I see a lot of vilifying of this other girl. There are other perspectives to consider.
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