But never told her what to do. Never. Not our relationship, not our problem. As long as we feel she is open and honest with us, wht she does with Mike is ultimately up to her. We'll offer advice when asked for, we'll offer support when needed.
In some ways this makes sense to me. But at the same time Mono's reply about it meaning you aren't caring about that third person rings true to me as well.
Like Mono I had a long term affair and broke my husband's heart. It was devastating for him-as anyone could guess.
BUT it was also devastating for me as well. I truly destroyed my faith in myself and my self-esteem in the process and it's a hell of a hard road back.
Those thoughts-griefs, guilts-I don't think they ever really go away. So it does impact EVERY SINGLE relationship you have afterward.
I think that there should be a love/respect for one anothers beliefs/needs in a relationship. By that I mean that wife shouldn't use veto power on this because she should respect her husbands right to make the decisions for his part in their relationship. BUT the other NECESSARY side of that coin is that he would respect HER rights to the point that he would not put her in the position of having to ignore or pretend to be/do something against her nature-like putting up with a cheater in her home.....
Does that make any sense? I feel like I'm not making sense.
I guess I feel like each party should prioritize the others needs over their own wants..... and if they do-then the "mess" will be resolved by the husband setting down his own ground rules for the other woman based on his love and respect for the NEEDS of his wife and vice versa between all parties....