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Old 10-06-2009, 08:37 PM
violet violet is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Nevada
Posts: 93

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I can see how you would want this and NEED this! I certainly would feel the same way!

yup, if she is in that deep-cheating big time.

She's got some big time work to do. I hope for all your sake that she does it. You'll all be better for it if she does.

It seems there is more than a little hypocrisy going on if HMA has trouble with you being with other men! Yet it's okay for him to have other women! hmmm... where's the compersion in that! I don't have the option to have other men other than the three I do have because I made that commitment to mono. I did so because he is monogamous and I am ready to be polyfi! If he were poly and asked me for that kind of commitment I would have a really hard time with that. I guess you have your own reasons for being okay with it.

We have a friend who is trying to deal with his new girlfriend seeing other men as he has the same believe and hypocrisy. I hear him, but challenge his logic. That is simply not fair regardless of your status of not wanting to act on finding a man.
The bolded is something HMA and I have had EXTENSIVE conversations about, and it took me a GOOD long time to get him to see how I didn't see it as hypocritical. Because I don't. lol It basically stems from the fact that I identify as a lesbian. I have been in a few long term relationships with men - but it's an emotional thing, and the sex just sort of follows suit for me. It's an odd mindset, but because I don't WANT other men, but would like to have other women - and because he doesn't WANT other men as a straight guy, then it's alright for him to have women. Make sense? (Probably not. lol)

Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
That is VERY OK. You have a valid reason. It is not jealousy or misplaced resentment. It's your "gut" telling you something is not right.

Quite a few folks come here expecting "support" or "validation" for their part in a wacky situation and when they are not told what they want to hear, they mysteriously disappear never to be heard from again.
I try very hard to seek support, but when I hear something I don't necessarily want to hear - I try to take it to heart anyway. It would appear that HMA and I will talk and he'll reply here after work. I'm sure this situation will work out as long as we put the same effort into it that HMA and I put into our original relationship, and the same effort he, Anne, and I have been putting toward our young triad.
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