TY for the comments nycindie. You are correct that money is a huge breach of trust among couples, and that is a major reason why I am 'talking it' out here.
My Wife and I do pool our money, however I also own my (my family) business so the funds I use come from my company. Probably just another lame excuse. Sometimes I just hate thinking about money so much. It is said money doesn't buy happiness but I would sure like to find out lol I mean in the long run we are talking only 10 or 20 K--alot of money, but not a ridicilous amount.
And tho W and I do talk -alot- I guess deep inside I fear that though I will always care for my W, love our children, want a family/grandkids the whole nine yards, I also want this other relationship too--badly. Madly. And it has been over two years so not just NRE or infatuation (I think). And I also didn't mention some other pertinent facts--such as my W always being 'out there' more and having her own small group of male lovers and friends. All I have is She. And, given my luck, I possibly foresee that in the end that I will just end up alone. And some actions one takes are defensive for the preservation of one's own self and ego--don't think I clearly expressed how often or how much my W has hurt me. But then just hurting her back and being dishonest is not right either.
But who is to say what is right or not? As the saying goes, "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter". Is it right to do what I think I should or what I think I want to??
PS yes Lifestyler is a 'swinger' term meaning, I guess, in the broadest sense, swinger/spouse swapper. I use it to apply to all aspects of an 'open' marriage.