Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Bullshit..everything ripples...nice cop out though.
I almost deleted this because it seemed so direct but then realized this hit a button in me. Your statement displays a complete disregard to your girlfriend's other partner. It rings of.."as long as we are taken care of so what about him". That's an interestingly self serving perspective on the feelings of another person. I guess being on a high horse enables me to see a bit farther than my own needs.
FWIW, both HMA and I have expressed our dislike of what Anne is doing - and we've both expressed just how unfair it is to him. I guess we're just letting a sleeping dog lie for now - but I personally can't let the dog lay for long. She's going to see Mike this weekend, and after that the conversations - at least on my end - will become more serious about where she's going and what she's doing.
She'll come back one of three ways. Either she'll want to be with him exclusively and respect his non-polyamorous ways, she'll want to leave him and be with us, or she'll be right where she is now - confused and unsure and trying to maintain both relationships.
It was a conversation she and I had that lead me to the ideal that it's not my problem - right now.
After she's back, we'll need to talk if she's landed in the middle where she is now. I can't let it go on either. It's not fair to him, and frankly - what the fuck am I working so hard at a relationship with her and HMA with the underlying knowledge that she may well turn back to a monogamous relationship with Mike? It's uncomfortable.
Like I've said. I can see where she's coming from. I'm fine with her going this weekend, because I know her well enough to know she'll talk to me about it. But depending on where she lands (and obviously, we're hoping she'll be another step closer to telling him) I can't move forward like this.
I appreciate your directness, Mono. You provide an interesting prospective on it. While I do have some concern for Mike (as does HMA), he and I are both being rather self-serving. Something new to think on.