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Old 10-06-2009, 04:01 PM
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Bowvine Bowvine is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: northern cali
Posts: 31
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Thank you for all your support and responses. Much appreciated.

We had our first counseling session and I've been doing a ton of soul searching around all this. My partner maintains that she did not act in deceptive, at least not intentionally. I was asked by the therapist to do some thinking on if I can actually be in a poly relationship. I do believe in myself and that I am able to do this. I actually sat down with the guy my partner is seeing for dinner last night. It was a good experience as we were able to gain some perspective and address some concerns. Very respectful. As it turns out, I have a bit in common with this fellow, which is not too surprising since I'm in love with the woman he is interested in.

The problem seems to be the way in which this was handled by my partner. She is on the defensive and extremely accusatory at the moment. I can empathize with her feeling a little cornered, but I have my own feelings around it.

Like I told the other guy, my main concern is I do not want to lose what I share with her, however, I need to take care of myself as well. It was her desire to open the relationship so I had a lot of homework to do around my feelings and prior programming. It seems though, she wants a poly relationship, but does not want to invest the effort to work through the difficulties that arise.

As it is now, I've been able to step out of my comfort zone, be honest not just with myself, but with the others involved. I've connected on a higher level with two completely new people and I feel that my communication skills and method of handling uncomfortable feelings are maturing.

Even though things are rocky at the moment, I really feel like this is possible and that beautiful possibilities are endless if the effort is made to make things work.

Things right now, are up in the air, as far as my partner and I staying together. She has some unaddressed issues that aren't things I have done, though she blames me for them being brought up in all of this. Nonetheless, I appreciate the feedback and for the read from all of you.
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