Thread: Hiding pain
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Old 06-01-2011, 01:56 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sinew View Post
Juliet and her husband said they had thought I was over all of the negative emotions I was describing, and feel misled by me.
Who the fuck are they to judge your emotions as negative? And to assume that you are fine and dandy with all of it when they have not checked with you before your letter to see if that is so? This really gets my goat. They operate as they wish, and when you are being honest about how you feel, they make it seem like there's something wrong with you. I call bullshit!

You feel what you feel. This upset, sadness, anger, etc., isn't negative - it's real. If they want things to be all kitty-cats and rainbows, what are they doing poly for? <snicker>

I say, do not go into hiding. This whole situation needs talking, talking, and more talking.

Hold your head high because you did nothing wrong. Ask Charlie how and why he could have been with you thru all your crying and help you craft that letter to then take sides with them and act surprised. If I were you I would request that Charlie and Juliet take a break until you and your husband have worked things out better and you've reached some emotional equilibrium. If they are so unreasonable as to not want to back away for this, then they really have no sensitivity nor respect for your feelings.

You have been more than willing to confront the cheating and turn it around to accept poly, the least they can do is give you some time to process such a huge shift in the dynamics of your relationship.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-01-2011 at 02:00 PM.
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