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Old 06-01-2011, 04:49 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by Kittywitch View Post
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
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Originally Posted by Kittywitch View Post
I finally heard back from him, about 30 hours after I first contacted him. Apparently he was just busy and his company stayed the night. While my panic wasn't completely for not, he and I have talked about it.
I think you need to ask yourself why you were panicking over someone you've only messaging for a week, and have only spoken to once, just because he was out of touch for... less than a day? It sounds like you really put too much focus on this person. It's not a relationship yet; keep talking to other guys. See what's out there.
While we've been texting for now a week and a half (since the 22nd), my concern (not panic) was that - until the other day when I posted this - we had been in almost constant connection. As for talking to other guys - who said I wasn't? I didn't close myself off, but find that most people - guys or girls - ignore that I am there.
Well, no need to get defensive. You asked for input and you're getting honest feedback. YOU said you panicked, I never put that word in your mouth. And I did not imply that you weren't talking to anyone else. I said "keep talking," which means "continue" so I never assumed your weren't. However, you did seem too focused on this one guy, when it was quite early on and perhaps to soon to be so "concerned." A week is not long, and in that amount of time I would expect to have at least a day or two out of touch, even if it started with a flurry of activity. People have lives.

You did admit in your OP that you get attached very easily. This seems to be one of those times when you let it happen very soon, but it wound up at your own expense, considering how panicked you said you were.


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Originally Posted by Kittywitch View Post
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Originally Posted by Hopeful View Post
Think about it from his perspective: even if the girl he's talking with doesn't demonstrate jealous tendencies, he can hardly stop talking to her every few to text us, right? How does he explain that? "Oh, sorry, texting my girlfriend...no, I swear, I'm not a pig, she's married...please sit back down...oh. OK. Call me?"

Also this. I've been close friends with my potential OSO for over six years. If he's not available, he's not available. Sometimes we do go a day or two without talking. It happens - and when it does, I typically can assume it's because he's with family, or at the bar with his buddies, or () playing golf. Or maybe talking to a woman who could actually see him in person more than once in a while, which is fair. A relationship develops over time, organically, and a week is just not long enough for you to even know his schedule or habits well enough to judge what his silence means. Just relax and let what happens happen.
You make it out like I sent him something every three minutes. I sent a total of 3 messages over the course of like 6 hours.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kittywitch View Post
Today he informed me that he was going to have company over . . . So far, I've not heard from him since early this morning (10:30-ish), even though I've TXTed him a couple times, and sent him an Instant Message. This bothers me . . .
That is a a lot of messages to send someone after they told you they'd be busy. You posted your message at around 2:30 pm(according to the forum) and hadn't heard from him since 10:30 am. That's four hours. If a guy sent me several texts and an IM after I said I was having company over, I would really find it a nuisance and possibly even block him. I don't stop to text other people when I have someone in my presence because it's just rude.

You are younger than I, maybe all this texting is just what you're used to. But it seems excessive to me. My lover Shorty felt that I was overdoing it when I sent him 4 emails and 3 texts in a MONTH. Maybe you are assuming he has the same standards for communicating that you do. Guys often like to be left alone and be allowed to be the pursuer. Give him some space...
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 06-01-2011 at 04:52 AM.
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