Thread: Filling A Gap
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Old 06-01-2011, 03:28 AM
onequarter onequarter is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 6

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
I'd be more worried if it is you that is being used right now.

Considering this is a first kinky relationship for both of you, I have to wonder if you are active in your local community. Getting to meet others in the scene, especially other sub women, might be a really good idea. From what I understand, it is very common for subs to get very attached to their first dom, and maybe gloss over the parts of the relationship that are not that great.

Has your self-image in general improved, and does it keep improving, once you started out with him?

I'm not active in the kinky community yet, but I'm planning on starting very soon -- there's a ball next month that I am quite giddy about attending. However, I don't think I overlook the bad parts of our relationship; I consider them frequently. :/

I suppose my self-image has gotten better. I've lost ~50 pounds since we first started considering a romantic relationship 18 months ago, and that, of course, has been a big boost to my self-esteem. My boyfriend gives me compliments and points out when he likes what I'm wearing and such, but I just always feel an undercurrent of knowing that I'm never going to fully be his "type." I don't know if that's a rational thought or just a warped way of dismissing compliments/wallowing in self-pity.

Originally Posted by Hopeful View Post
Honestly, the idea that a man would ever say to a woman who he loves and wants a romantic relationship with that he wants to date other women because he wants "more attractive" lovers rubs me completely the wrong way. I am not an underwear model. Neither is my husband. Neither, for that matter, is the guy I hope to form a secondary romantic relationship with. But they are both gorgeous men to me, partly because of my own "shallow" physical preferences (love me some blue eyes and dimples), and partly because they are wonderful men deserving of affection and respect. And they both treat me with affection and respect as well as demonstrating their physical attraction to me.

If physical attraction is not a part of your relationship, that's fine. It doesn't devalue the relationship in any way. But I get a bad vibe from the idea of a guy who is WILLING to sleep with you, even though he really wants someone he finds "more attractive." I don't even need to see you to know that you are worth more than being someone's back up plan. I might be way off base with this assessment, and if I am I apologize. But I've not always been so lucky to know such great men as I do now, and I've known both men and women to do worse.
I am definitely going to think about what you're saying here.
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