Hmm, yes, reflection, but also establishing boundaries seems to be the order of the day for you. And when you discuss boundaries, make sure everyone's on the same page in understanding them, by repeating back what was said and asking for how everyone defines specific words and concepts. Maybe some things were just never very clear to all involved.
I might add, however, be careful that you're not attempting to slow things down "on purpose," as a way to control, know what I mean? Make sure that what you ask for is about meeting comfort levels and feeling on equal ground -- NOT retaliation for the turmoil you've put yourself through. Not saying that you are or would be doing that, but it's something to watch out for. Remember, you may still need to make some compromises, and boundaries can be renegotiated.