I am Drew, 45, married and straight, and live in the northeast USA. I have recently found out the hard way that I am poly. I fell in love with my good friend. Oh boy! It was the real thing… But I did not know anything about “poly” until after the fact. Oops!!! And so because I was raised a boy scout with Cinderella-monogamy-forever stories fluttering around in my naïve dopey head, and I very much also and still loved my wife, well, I was very confused and a pitiful mess. My coping skills and behaviors became that of a 14 year old. I became the jerk-cheater. I pretty much fucked everything up.
We are healing now after I really hurt and then almost lost my wife (and kids). I did lose my friend and I miss her. I am more than humbled, amongst many other things. But it all sticks with me and nags at me, this new “knowing” of what love and relationships are and/or can be. I have been reading a whoopin’ lot of poly books, and to think I thought I knew everything! The “be open and honest” rule… that should be part of high school health class, and then revisited every time one enters into a relationship… it is a very good rule.
So I am hear for good conversation with people who I don’t have to explain myself to in regards to loving two. It was a relief the other night when I first found this site and read some of your intros and exchanges, a real breath of fresh air. I hope to learn from you all and be supportive too.
There you go!