Your entire situation hits VERY close to home. HMA and I have run into something similar with our "unicorn", Anne. She is currently in a long-distance relationship with a friend-turned-lover, while dating us. She has made it sound sort of like she was ready to break it off, etc, etc. But she's dragging her feet. She's even going up to see him this weekend - and he has no idea about HMA or me. ANYWAY.
Originally Posted by dearprudence
She's welcome here, but the idea of hanging out, her staying over, and then having breakfast the next day is a little much for me given how I feel. But again, I don't want this construed as me trying to control their time together. I just think she needs to take care of some things right now.
Personally, I don't feel as though it's you trying to control their time together. I don't even really see how it could be construed that way. Ultimately, you have a say in what goes on under your own roof. Don't constrict time outside your home - but by all means, keep that foot down when it comes inside your front door!
It's very hard to control the anger and the judgments. Especially when it's something you feel so strongly about. I think, if nothing else, letting a little of that anger show through will help everyone in the situation to see that it's not acceptable. And you can try to adopt the mindset of you're doing ALL you can. In the end, the only person you can control is you. You can assure that your opinion is heard, you can choose to not let it into your home, and you can choose to be supportive of C while he, too, decides what is best in the situation.
I tend to agree more with Mono on this one - this is disrespectful, dishonest, and hurtful to everyone involved. JUST like I feel with Anne. And to be perfectly honest - Anne's situation is substantially less tangled than this one. She's worked past her jealousy/posessiveness, talked about marriage, and she has thought long and hard about her "other" relationship and wants to break it off, she just "needs time to let it run it's course". Which, on one hand I say is BULLSHIT, on the other, I understand from having been in her shoes.
If it continues to make you uncomfortable, and you can't control your opinion on the subject - you need to be careful of how this could damage your relationship with your husband. Perhaps, if it gets much further, veto power needs to be talked about.