There is a more than ridiculous belief that my not struggling with the relationship RP has with Derby degrades the relationship itself. It is sometimes implied that, because their intimacy does not disturb or turn me off, I see sex and love between two women as somehow fickle or ďless threateningĒ. This is honestly as poor a connection as saying that because I donít mind my partner eating apples but do mind them eating oranges than I must not value the apple as a healthy and nutritious food. Basically, this gives the completely irrational implication that I only place value in things that disturb meÖlike genocide and animal cruelty; clearly I donít value loving homes for pets because they do not disturb me. Get my point?
Hereís the truth about my view of RPís relationship with Derby as well as my relationship with Derby herself.
I embrace the relationship they have. I am genuinely concerned that they get their needs met as a unique couple. When they struggle, I worry. I worry for RPís heart and Derbyís heart. When they are happy, I look at them with warmth in my heart and happiness that anyone who actually sees us all together could not deny. Derby is an amazing friend and metamour. Her own concern for RPís relationship with PN and myself highlights her complete selflessness within all of our lives. I enjoy her company and friendship on itís own merits. We often sit together at gatherings and have our own connection that is unique and lasting. Beyond that I also care about her husband, as he is a friend as well. When trouble affects one of us, we all pitch inÖbecause that is how lasting connections and tribes thrive.
Everything I said above is equally valid if you replace Derby with RP's husband. There is no difference, no degradation, no less value placed in the connection between these to metamours. My happiness is affected by their happiness. I care for them both very deeply.
If your partner is completely at ease and embraces something you want, I suggest you seriously be grateful for that instead of trying to warp it into something that feeds your own doubt.
Well that feels better