Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
So, have any of you tried to get a cheater to embrace polyamory? Is there such a thing as the 'cheater mindset' - someone who is addicted to the thrill of the forbidden but whose flame quickly dies out when the relationship is out in the open and 'allowed'?
The question; Can these people benefit from polyamory or some other form of consensual non-monogamy? Can cheaters change?
Yes, I have some experience with trying to change a cheater to embrace polyamory. To no avail.
I do not see much of a chance to change a person who sees nothing morally wrong with fulfilling his/hers egoistical needs with the expense of others. It is so deeply ingrained to their personality. You either choose to stay with them cheating or let them go. With choosing to stay with the cheater you also choose to live in a lie. Maybe a strong person can take the pressure and help the cheater to change?
This is not to say that every person who has ever cheated will always cheat. If the person who has cheated shows emotional pain over their choice to cheat, there is a chance I believe. I must believe, because while trying to embrace polyamory I ended up cheating too.
Reading sinew's and other's stories only reinforces my view. There are the ones who end up cheating due to circumstances, and who really do regret and feel bad about it, and then there are the ones who pathologically cheat and see no problem in their actions.
So I suggest you stay away from true cheaters, the people who do whatever they please and who see no point in being open and truthful. They are easy to spot and avoid if you keep your eyes open and mind clear of clutter. Trust me, it is not fun to confront the spouse who has been cheated on. You will only get hurt.