I can see you are struggling, and it must be hard, but you are doing an excellent job of processing. I can feel in your posts a deep respect for yourself and your wife.
Having been party to a long line of uncommunicative relationships, I come from a deep place of still being almost shocked and so grateful that people can look at one another for who they are and not run away from coping, but face the situation with dignity and respect.
Your first line about your wife "coming out" immediately shows you are taking this seriously and I am glad to hear you say you just want to be happy, because you are doing the work right now to make that happen.
Welcome to the forum!
"Rocks will open and make a way for the lover."
~Hazrat Inayat Khan
I love Catfish and Charlie.