Originally Posted by justjeni
...it feels like he's trying only so he can get what he want, not trying because it's the best for our relationship...
maybe he is and sees it this way... cheating has that affect unfortunately.
I would really question him, encourage his honesty by asking him what he wants and needs. Does he want a family and to be a father that is involved with the mother and child? Maybe he doesn't. It might be a hard thing to answer for him, but I would compel him to be totally honest. If he finds it too hard, and too much work, and something he just isn't cut out for, then I suggest he move on so you and your boy can find a man that wants to step up to the plate. He can be part time daddy. If I were asking this I would use a compassionate loving tone that is offering an open, safe place to talk honestly.
That being said, I would have a look at the "cheating" and "affair" threads... maybe send him a few. He seems to be lacking in empathy/compassion. That is a huge lack in the world as a whole really and for some reason gets over looked in raising children to adulthood. You have a boy, I really suggest thinking about that. He is not considerate because he either doesn't know how to be or he has learned, like most of us, that to get what we want we have to lie and go behind peoples back... There is a long history that I won't go into on that... but just saying.
You might want to invite him to read here also. Maybe he has a different idea of what to achieve in your relationship. If you are thinking more open, maybe his thinking is more love... who knows, that knowledge alone can start something off to a new footing. Open and poly relationships are very different more often than not.