Originally Posted by nycindie
Hi there, Lily. I am also an admirer of Vodkafan and his arrangement, and think it's an awesome goal to have. Just curious whether I understand your situation and dynamics correctly...
When you and T. split temporarily, you began a relationship with G.? And you've been investing in that relationship. So, now you and T. have been spending time together in a friendly way, still separated but expressing your love for each other and working on issues.
Is T. aware of your relationship with G. at all, or would that be a total shocker for him? I am sure G. knows that you are separated, but how much does he know of your interactions with T.?
Hi NYCIndie, nice to meet you.
I began a relationship with G before I split with T. At the time, I was deeply, deeply unhappy in my marriage and yes - instead of communicating and being open, I hid, cheated and lied and found what I needed with another man.
There is no justification for this but at the time, that seemed to be my only option. I had had almost no love life with T for 15 years, and absolutely zero love life for 4. I could see no way forward in our relationship and looked outside for the love I was missing.
At first I thought that G was just fulfilling a need.... making me feel desired and desirable again, listening to me, paying me attention, etc. etc. But it is so much more than that. We're beyond NRE and I can truly say that I love him deeply and he is a soul mate.
T knows about G. In the very raw beginning of our semi-break-up (which was difficult because we had to carry on working together), he asked me many times what was going on with me and G. He told me that he couldn't bear the thought of me with another man........ and yet on the other hand, he listened and even laughed with me at my tales of the previous man I had a very
brief (and unsatisfactory) fling with. I've told him that G has stepped back, giving me space to deal with all the things I'm going through, which is the truth.
G knows that I work with T, that I see him every week day, that I still love him, and that I don't want to lose him from my life. He's very understanding of that. It probably worries him too, but he's an incredible young man. (Much younger than me - his maturity is staggering but then again he's highly intelligent.)
God, I love them both.