We are the same
I am new here as well and have been living in a poly relationship for just over a month now. But my girlfriend has had boy toys for almost 3 years now.
I struggle with the same thoughts as you.. I would love to talk more with you and would love to be come friends..
getting help is the first step. and its a big one but it all works out in the end..
Thank you for letting me read your story...