Originally Posted by nycindie
Don't concern yourself with that spam post. Edit: Oh, okay, it was removed.
The fact is, or seems to be, that you are in a relationship with a couple and want a real relationship with both of them, where you feel you have equal participation and your needs fulfilled. They appear to have objectified you somewhat, in that it is still a "them" and "you" scenario, with you being there for them. So, you need to ask yourself if the scales have tipped too far in that direction, beyond what you're comfortable with. If so, what do you do?
You can confront them (firmly but nicely) and try to tell them what's not satisfactory to you. You can (and should, I think) ask that they actively work on making it better - with you. Have you tried developing separate relationships and made room for quality time with each of them individually? Are they open to that? Or are you always supposed to be with them both? Do you feel like a toy or like you're just supposed to entertain them both when you're with them? Ask if your idea of relationship is a match for theirs. If it isn't, if they are not willing to work on it, or if they work on it but only half-heartedly just to make themselves look good, then you have a choice of whether you stay or leave. What are you willing to put up with? How can you create the poly relationships of your dreams?
Those are all good questions and I have even been encouraged by them to ask for more. They rarely tell me no
and I don't feel like a toy, we do pursue separate sleepovers and event/ dates. It's funny tho because I am so aware of them as a couple because they are so enmeshed. They don't realize it because they've been together so long and until now just had " ongoing" romantic friendships with other partners. I think they really try I am at a loss sometimes tho with identifying how to make it more " romantic" feeling for me. We are dating separately more to see if this happens. But because they have not had to integrate anyone into their lives love wise, it all feels rather practical... but fun. Not sure if I sm doing a good job of explaining. I think they have a lot of NRE Btwn them, but I still feel like I am sleeping with my best friends. Which may be a better model for long term relationship success. But I kinda miss the in love feeling. I don't have that. and I find myself still looking outside the relationship for someone who's more focused on me. Sometimes I feel like we will always be lifetime BFF-FWBs... They were hurt by that. Oy vey.