View Single Post
Old 05-26-2011, 07:03 AM
Lily Lily is offline
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 10

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think that approaching this whole thing in terms of independence is a great idea. It sounds like you are just coming into creating the "idea" of independence and that might not be the right time. Perhaps feeling that first would be a better time...

trust, stability, encouragement, empathy, baby steps to doing things alone.... all need covering first I think before asking for 4 days on and 3 days off or any specifics like that.
Thank you RP.

I understand what you suggest about independence... I'm already doing that on my side. I'm living away from home, developing my own social life, and doing a few things I've wanted to do for years. He's also talking about things he wants to do.

I do realise this will all take time. Perhaps I mislead readers by mentioning Vodkafan's arrangement. Believe me, I'm under no illusions that that's where I'll be in a few weeks' time! I mentioned it just to say that that would be my fantasy. (Just as it would be my fantasy for my husband to suggest to me that poly might be the best way forward...) Fantasy and reality are often a long way apart.

I know this will take a huge amount of time, if I decide to do it. I'm not decided. I wake up every morning in fear because I just don't think either of the men I love will accept it.

Life isn't simple, and sometimes you have to make choices. I've read a lot on this forum of mono people's unhappiness at the position they find themselves in and their ongoing struggles with this whole "lovestyle". I don't want to be someone who causes unhappiness and struggle, life's hard enough as it is. At the same time, I want to find a way of being true to myself, which, I've come to realise, is the only way to be.

thanks again.
The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
Reply With Quote