Originally Posted by redpepper
I think that approaching this whole thing in terms of independence is a great idea. It sounds like you are just coming into creating the "idea" of independence and that might not be the right time. Perhaps feeling that first would be a better time...
trust, stability, encouragement, empathy, baby steps to doing things alone.... all need covering first I think before asking for 4 days on and 3 days off or any specifics like that.
Thank you RP.
I understand what you suggest about independence... I'm already doing that on my side. I'm living away from home, developing my own social life, and doing a few things I've wanted to do for years. He's also talking about things he wants to do.
I do realise this will all take time. Perhaps I mislead readers by mentioning Vodkafan's arrangement. Believe me, I'm under no illusions that that's where I'll be in a few weeks' time! I mentioned it just to say that that would be my fantasy
. (Just as it would be my fantasy for my husband to suggest to me
that poly might be the best way forward...) Fantasy and reality are often a long way apart.
I know this will take a huge amount of time, if I decide to do it. I'm not decided. I wake up every morning in fear because I just don't think either of the men I love will accept it.
Life isn't simple, and sometimes you have to make choices. I've read a lot on this forum of mono people's unhappiness at the position they find themselves in and their ongoing struggles with this whole "lovestyle". I don't want to be someone who causes unhappiness and struggle, life's hard enough as it is. At the same time, I want to find a way of being true to myself, which, I've come to realise, is the only way to be.