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Old 05-26-2011, 02:20 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Don't concern yourself with that spam post. Edit: Oh, okay, it was removed.

The fact is, or seems to be, that you are in a relationship with a couple and want a real relationship with both of them, where you feel you have equal participation and your needs fulfilled. They appear to have objectified you somewhat, in that it is still a "them" and "you" scenario, with you being there for them. So, you need to ask yourself if the scales have tipped too far in that direction, beyond what you're comfortable with. If so, what do you do?

You can confront them (firmly but nicely) and try to tell them what's not satisfactory to you. You can (and should, I think) ask that they actively work on making it better - with you. Have you tried developing separate relationships and made room for quality time with each of them individually? Are they open to that? Or are you always supposed to be with them both? Do you feel like a toy or like you're just supposed to entertain them both when you're with them? Ask if your idea of relationship is a match for theirs. If it isn't, if they are not willing to work on it, or if they work on it but only half-heartedly just to make themselves look good, then you have a choice of whether you stay or leave. What are you willing to put up with? How can you create the poly relationships of your dreams?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 05-26-2011 at 02:23 AM.
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