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Old 05-25-2011, 05:13 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742

Redpepper is spot on...but she should be, she's had to deal with me for a long time!

Why was it easier for your boyfriend to deal with you being poly at first and not anymore? In my experience….true emotional connection. A mono dating a poly is easy...after all it's just dating and that comes with much different expectations than actually committing to a person on a deeper level....for most monogamous people. When a mono person actually falls in love with a poly person, that is where the difficulty starts. He basically has to break through how things normally work in the world around him; dating to commitment, commitment to exclusivity. The thing is...he has to want this. If he doesn't want to change this...and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that...then he has to decide if this will work for him.

Anyone can make predictions about how they think they will feel given a certain situation but no one can be expected to really know what they will do. I said the same things at first; "I'm ok with open poly, blah, blah, blah". But when we fell in love and both of us wanted a higher level of commitment, although RP's expectations didn't change, mine did. In order to achieve a greater level of commitment (not just go through the motions but actually feel it) my criteria was different than if I was simply dating or a FWB. Did this cause a problem?…Ongoing LOL!!

Is your boyfriend jealous? That's debatable; his girlfriend does have a husband that he is ok with that. By the bulk of society's standards I would say no. Does he have different criteria than you to commit to a deeper or more lasting relationship..sounds like it. So what does he value more: your relationship or meeting the criteria he currently has to be in a relationship? On the flip side, if he can't or doesn't want to change his feelings around what you need/want, you need to ask yourself is the relationship is worth trying to reach a compromise.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

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