I am quite interested in this distininction between mono and poly. Since I am quite new to this whole concept of poly (my husband brought it into our marriage), and i would consider myself mono so far.
some people on this forum say that we are "wired" in a certain way? what does this mean or imply? that it is not actually a decision? that it is your nature (some sort of biological conditioning) or educational/societal conditioning, that is very hard or almost impossible to be undone?
some say it is a decision the way you want to live your relationship.So it means that anyone (openminded and courageous enough) can live it. I can see both possibilities. so far i haven't figured it out for me,, where being/living one or the other way comes from. All i can say, my husband does love me, and I am rather mono, whereas he has recently found out that he has a rather poly way of loving people and building relationship.
I can also say that is an LOT of work for both sides. And it is important that the polypartner does that work as well, even though it feels that poly is so natural to him/her. The accompanying and giving space to the monopartners fears and worries is a very importan point, in mho.
A crucial point in the beginning might (was for us at least) be that the monopartner's worries might threaten one of the relationship. they might be understood as - "if she/he worries about all this, this might mean that he/she wants me to give up the other relationship". And it is obvious that if you love somone and you are about to build a relationship this kind of worry is a sort of threat to the other relationship. In these circumstances it is very hard for the polypartern to REALLY listen the monopartners worries etc. At least for us beginners this was an understanding that helped calm some discussions.