Past issues can come back to haunt you.
When I first came out to people about being bi I new there would be consequences I lost some friends and some others treated me differently so I found that I started having trust and rejection issues. I little over 5 years ago I started dating a guy and did not mention that I was bi at first because first I was attracted to him and worried about that he might not wanted to continue our relationship if he found out. I was going out with him for 2.5 years before I told him. At first he was kinda weirded out by it and he the became curious about it. I had met a woman that I was attracted to and told him about it. He convinced me to see if she was interested and would not mind him being around and we had a threesome. It had changed our relationship but not in a good way. He became jealous and was always asking me if I was attracted to that woman or this woman. We even tried a threesome with another man which he got scared since he like it but did not want to admit it. Our relationship deteriated even more but both of us to stubborn to end it until he moved to Toronto. That was a couple of months ago but it left me even more weary of trust and being rejected.
After that relationship I did find that I want a true relationship with both a man and a woman that a poly relationship is what I want to feel complete. Doing this by myself I have found to be hard because I do not find I have the personal support. So when I try new relationships especially online since there is no local chapter to meet like minded people I find it disconnected since I believe I am more comfortable in person and I find it easier to speak than write my feelings. Since I do not feel comfortable about when things do not work out online then I take it as being rejected and feel a trust has been broken. I know this is being over sensitive about it but it is how I feel.
Afterwards I feel that maybe I should just stay single and forget about putting myself out there. So I am writing these feelings in hope that I do not give up and maybe someday I will find what I am looking for.