Good weekend overall. A few glitches. Surprise, surprise some bickering after a couple of misunderstandings. But overall a solid first step to recovery.
It is very strange to be in a shared existence and not interfere when you think something is not right. To kind of stifle an opinion (or warning) when you see something a little off center or notice a nonverbalized discomfort. I notice little details, an expression, a sound or even the absence of them. My nature is to protect or defend or at least engage myself in solving a problem. When it is a lover I am obviously going to be vocal and participatory in the process. But when it is a lover and his SO, it seems best to sit back and let it unfold as it will. I am struggling with this to a point of not knowing what is appropriate support as a lover or a friend, and what is something I should ignore, walk by, turn away from as none of my business.
I think we are getting to a point of acceptance. I still see alot of little occurrences of jealousy, insecurity or envy. But I think I am handling it right. I believe my cautiousness is going to help in the long run. It isn't that I am not open to trust and friendship, I just do not want to make assumptions or assert everything is ok in a matter of two weeks. I don't want to rush this healing process and I felt a little uncomfortable with the speed of which changes occurred within a week. I wonder if it is real, or more a "fake it til I make it." Everything wasn't solved or even addressed in one weekend together. It is just the first step in a kind of recovery model in our personal journey together. This past weekend was about developing hope
(because there was none 11 days ago), a secure base (one base not 3 or 4 individual bases) and a sense of self in terms of individals within hinged relationships. We still need to acknowledge that work needs to be done on getting really honest with eachother, we need to better develop coping skills and end goals need to be verbalized, recognized, and steps to get there need to be not only talked about but followed through before taking the next step. There is no leap-frog in this process. We all need to get to and stand on each step. We all need to take the step and not linger too long, but we need to move more in-sync. It is hard work to get the timing right, but it could be a really beautiful dance if we all are fair and dedicated on a daily basis to it.
BTW- Roller derby bouts were quite entertaining. We joked about what our names would be. May go again soon!
Last edited by Morningglory629; 05-24-2011 at 06:43 PM.