I just discovered this thread. Younglove, your story could have almost been mine. The only things that were appreciably different in my situation were that my partner and I had an 18-year age difference (I'm the older one), and that we were a couple for somewhat longer.
I heard "Oh, I can never bring you home to meet my mom as my girlfriend because you're married and older" from him more times than I care to remember. That issue really seemed to bother him, but it somehow never occurred to him that he was 28 years old, an independent adult, and that it was entirely possible that his family could have handled it just fine. I got the "I love you, but just as a friend" speech too at the end of our seven months together. I wanted more from him than that, but I knew, had always known, that I couldn't give him what he wanted, marriage and kids.
Boyfriend and I almost lost our friendship completely when he got involved with a monogamous woman who, despite telling him she supported our continued friendship as long as it wasn't sexual anymore, reportedly threw a fit if he so much as mentioned my name. He responded by being weird and distant with me, I got upset and chose to give him some space. He broke up with her after only a couple of months and that's when I found out that she had effectively made him choose between us. I also discovered he was quite depressed and working insane hours to avoid dealing with his problems. I am now trying to gently help him through that.
It's rough sometimes. I still love him. It's possible that his next monogamous girlfriend will also be threatened by our friendship and I still can't say how he might respond to that. I try to take it one day at a time. Would it be easier to just not have him in my life anymore? Probably. But I'm not the sort of person who just walks away from people I care about. I'm in it for the long haul, whatever form it takes, if I can be.
I hope that you and your former partner find a resolution that is happy for both of you.
Last edited by gwendolenthefair; 05-24-2011 at 01:28 PM.