So I wanted to do a little follow up on this.. maybe someone can offer their opinion as to whats going on with him. but if not its alright.
So i gave him a letter (posted above) asking to be just friends, but very good friends that really strive to make an effort to be supportive happy friends.. not crappy mean disrespectful flaky wavering friends that are worse than acquaintances. If we werent going to keep contact, I wanted to cut it off completely because it would be easier than dragging things out awkwardly. Maybe become friends many months later..
Well the result of my letter was that he didnt want to be just friends and basically said he wanted to go back to where we kind of were in just enjoying each other (but he was still going to go on dates with other women in hopes of still finding a "real" girlfriend).
I agreed to this only if this meant consistency. I asked him to define to me a point at which he would recognize and tell me when things got serious with another woman so we could end things and just be friends (if possible) because I knew he would not tell potential dates hes been seeing a married woman.. and I want things to be fair for a potential future girlfriend of his.
Well, he read the letter and told me all this, the first thing he said was "I love you" but explained that it was not completely a romantic I love you, but just love me as a person? (confusing).. we went out to dinner, stayed the night at his place and we had an amazing intimate time, some real bonding. He was back to himself and everything was seeming to be perfect again. (as much as it could be)
He started acting weird again maybe only a few days later. Several weeks went by before we were ever intimate again. In fact, I texted him one evening we were going to hang out and told him I didnt feel comfortable with coming over given how he had been acting which was pretty weird. He would still text me, maybe once a day just to say "how was your day" and if I answered it, he wouldnt ever text me back. He asked me to come over and watch him do laundry. that was his idea of a great hang out time. I told him I had no interest in that. to rethink his approach to our "friendship"..
He met a girl, liked her a lot whole lot but it was kind of a blind date thing and when they went on it, he didn't really like her AS much as he thought he would. He told me about this girl one day when he asked me to go to the beach with him. The entire time he was texting her. It was very rude and it annoyed me a lot, which I did make a comment about, but he didnt seem to care and went on texting her. Of course after they went on their date and finally met each other, ... he started texting me again and acting interested.
So one more time, everything happened again. He was sweet, kind, making a ton of effort, we had so much to talk about, conversation was never boring, he'd hold and kiss me and hug me and give me tons of attention and affection. He told me he was content not having a girlfriend. He told me he hadnt been so crazy over anyone but me in a year. He thinks its a bummer I am married, but he was glad I was in his life because I have been there for him for a lot of things.
I recently hung out with him on his birthday. He acted strange again. Very distant, disinterested. We were alone for most of the time, but it's like he re-started the friendship thing.
I dont have a problem with "just being friends" I just wish he wasnt so indecisive. Every time we are "more" than friends he randomly flips a switch when he starts to feel too much for me and starts acting very different. I would appreciate it if instead of just acting strange, he would just say it "I know the last time we saw each other we were very close and .. I just can't handle it because I feel myself getting too attached and getting too many feelings, which is why I think we should be just friends"
but he never says that. It is ridiculous. On a sunday we will be practically boyfriend girlfriend with the way he is acting holding my hand taking me out to dinner, watching movies at his place with me, laughing, enjoying each others company, the things he says... ugh. On tuesday he will be over it and trying to be just friends. 3 weeks will go by, and he'll be back to wanting more from me again. And it isn't purely sexual, although I am starting to worry that is something that must be factored into the equation here. He has done nothing with any chick other than me for over a month, even kissing. He chose to spend his birthday with me, instead of the chick he somewhat likes ...
Anyway, it's been 3 months exactly of him talking to me every day no matter what at least once. He will text me every day. Even if I dont care to respond anymore. 3 months of having an 'on again off again' situation. I am pretty tired of it. So I think I am going to have to tell him once and for all that theres never going to be anything ever again... that is slightly sexual. We can ONLY be friends at this point, because it's driving me crazy to keep feeling like I am doing something wrong when he randomly starts to stand 2 feet away from me, not like it when we look into each others eyes, not kiss me good bye, etc. its playing with my feelings and I hate it.
Ps. he loves to check out other chicks in front of me and it's really annoying to me because its disrespectful. None of my guy friends do this in front of me. Save it for hanging out with the dudes. Anything but doing that when I am spending time with him.