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Old 05-23-2011, 02:29 AM
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Feedhercandy Feedhercandy is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 29
Default Clear on poly, but still possessive secondary

My husband and I have been poly for almost a year, but this pots isn't about him (right now no new challenges there). It's my boyfriend. We've been dating for almost nine months, and have become quite emotionally attached. He has, in particular, though I have deep feelings for him as well.

Fundamentally, I think, the problem has been that we have had very different relationship experiences. I've been a serial monogamist, married for thirteen years, and now poly. He has had a string of very short relationshops and one-night stands. He's single (aside from me). I am his longest (and from what I can tell most successful) relationship.

So, the bottom line is this - he is respectful of my husband and family (to a fault), but has a near melt down when it comes to me even going out on a date with someone else. He has been dealing, but not quite as well as I would hope and expect. We've talked about it, but it boils down to a difference in nature - I am poly at core, his preference seems to be towards monogamy (well, near monogamy with me).

I'm not quite sure how to manage all these pieces. It's hard enough to manage my husband's feelings and my feelings without having to do serious management on his. I understand that when you care for someone, you need to care for them - all parts of them. I just wasn't expecting this to be an issue and it has sort of blind sided me.
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