Oh God did I scream at him. And screamed. And shouted. And cried hysterically.
I screamed he triggered me with his actions. His reactions. His cheating and then groping the woman he cheated on me with in front of me... and being so dense as not not even realize it might bother me.
One moment he would say he would do anything to help. The next, he kept insisting he had to do things his way.
I shouted his way has triggered me far longer, with more pain, than anything anyone else ever did. That thanks to him (yes I was blaming) I felt excluded, unloved, unwanted, undesired, replaceable, replaced, lonely, betrayed, disregarded, gutted and alone. My trust was torn to shreds.
If he had to do things "his own way" he could do it as as swinger couple. He could have as much casual or non-casual swinger play with his swinger friends and it would be swinger-ific as could be.
And he could live the rest of his life, swinger and non-swinger portions, without me.
He is now eager and more than eager to learn about PTSD, triggers, reactions, how to help prevent them, how to help me deal with them ... he dislikes therapists but he begged for me to arrange an appointment with my therapist so we could work together and he could stop failing me.
So now I have to figure out if I want to take that apartment offer in downtown or keep trying.
If this therapist can't make them see ... guess I'm getting a new address.