Originally Posted by Ceoli
Well, as I suspected, she would like to return to being monogamous with her husband. She doesn't want anyone else involved. In her words, she wants it to be "just her and him, before this whole misguided adventure began".
I guess we'll have to see how that all plays out...whether a friendship can be maintained or not. Either way, it was handled in a way that was pretty inconsiderate of my feelings and I've been burned. And it's also clear that while her feelings may have changed about things, it seems his feelings haven't. That's something they're going to have to settle and I've said what I can say about my side of it. Again, we'll have to see. I've been very clear about my feelings throughout this while they haven't been.
For couples who wonder why unicorns are so rare, it is because this is the sort of thing that happens the majority of the time. I've known too many people who have been burned this way. People aren't going to be quick to jump into situations where they are still disposable no matter how sincere and earnest the couple may seem.
ceoli-I'm sorry and thank you for sharing! I know it must be hard-I'm not in your position. But my whole concern all this last week has been how to ensure that while I "gently" ease my dh into this poly thing that C does not have his feelings ignored and that he feels just as loved and cared for as he has been for every minute of our 16 year friendship.
I actually asked each of them to read this thread when you first started it-in the hopes that they would find info that would help them with cementing a friendship between them that would ensure his emotional needs are considered and met as well. I think it's imperative that we are each considered equally in terms of the relationship. Yes our marriage has been there for years-but so has my friendship with C and both are critically important to me and both deserve the respect of the long term time put into the individual relationships.