James I understand exactly what you are saying about judgemental people. It's discouraging at best and permanently damaging to our psyche at it's worst.
But if someone is judging you-they aren't worth your time of day. SERIOUSLY.
We (as people) tend to make excuses for others (as well as ourselves) when it comes to making judgements. But the truth is-there is NO EXCUSE because we really haven't lived the other person's life, we don't know what makes them tick or why their mind works a certain way or doesn't work a certain way.
Our society is so judgemental that it has become the norm in our lives. Then to make it all freaking wonderful (sarcasm strongly there) we have this idea that the "perfect" look is anorexic, tall and generally a "post holochaust body" look. But realistically-there isn't anything about that which is healthy.
So the REAL life answer to your issues (imho) is first to identify who the "best you" in YOUR opinion in, then strive to be that.
Right now I'm working (after having lost me) on reconnecting with my REAL best self and guess what? The people I love and care about are MORE interested in me because I'm being REAL-even though some of those real things go against the grain for them!
If you find your own true best self and start pushing yourself to be whatever that is-then love, deep friendship and bonding will follow naturally because people will see your confidence in yourself and be attracted to that!
If you don't mind my asking-how old are you? It's just a curiosity on my part! I'm 34 and so many "truths" have come clear for me in recent years. I've known I was bi for a long time and I've known I was poly (without knowing what it was called) for as long as I can remember, but I mean truths about my NEEDS and what I MUST have versus what I thought I could compromise for love. Anyway-just a curiosity!